Ways to stop being shy in a Relationship

- Categories : Sexual wellbeing , Sexuality

There are those who live in constant shyness when they are with their partner. This, which is much more common than we might think, means that many people are unable to enjoy their relationships as much as they would like to. In one way or another, everyone has gone through this and has experienced situations of shame with their partner. The problem is when that shyness prevents us from living life the way we would like to and prevents us from moving forward. That's why in the following Zensual Blog post we'll talk about how to stop being shy in a relationship, whether in bed or in your day-to-day life. Keep reading!

I am embarrassed of touching my boyfriend, is that normal?

Feeling embarrassed at certain times does not mean that there is something wrong with us. In fact, as long as we are aware that it is something we should change and work to improve, it is a good symptom and speaks well of our own perception. In this case we are talking about shame, but what is behind shame and why does it appear? Behind embarrassment and shame there is always a fear or insecurity. And when we talk about sex, these insecurities are usually related to one's own body or to some prejudice.

Depending on your age or your personal situation, it may be normal for you to be embarrassed of touching your boyfriend, but in order to solve it, you must first study the fear or insecurity that is causing it. Although little by little we are opening up more and more, our societies tend to have sex as a taboo subject, which is hidden and not talked about in a frank and sincere way. The same goes for nudity, something that is gradually inculcated in our brains from the time we are small and is often difficult to break. You must get away from all those prejudices and clichés you have been told so much about in order to overcome shame and do what you want to do. Sex, if it is consented to and wanted, should not cause shame or fear.

Finally, another aspect that can cause embarrassment when it comes to having sex is nudity and some insecurity related to one's own body. It is important to deal with this, as it can affect you in many other aspects of your life. It is important to understand that our partner loves and desires us as we are, that nobody has defects and that we must learn to respect and love ourselves as we are.

How to have relationships without fear

People who are afraid of relationships often believe they are the only ones going through it. In fact, because it is a topic that is rarely discussed publicly, and when it is discussed it is exaggerated and unreliable, many people with a fear of sex feel isolated and that no one will understand their problem. The reality is that more than 5% of sex-related consultations are due to fear of sex, which means that many more people suffer from it without seeking solutions.

Fear of sex can manifest itself in different ways, for example, always avoiding sex, suffering stress at the time of sex or avoiding any kind of physical contact. At Zensual we explain why it happens and how to avoid it.

Is there such a thing as fear of sex?

  • Yes, and it is much more common than is often thought. People who are afraid of sex constantly avoid contact with their partners and, given enough time, may lose sexual desire altogether. Depending on the degree, they may not only be repulsed by sex itself, but also by any sign of intimacy with a partner, even rejecting any approach that could lead to anything sexual.But not all fears are the same, nor do they provoke the same symptoms, nor do they appear in the same way. If you want to get rid of your fear of sex, you must first find out what causes it:
    • You have always been afraid.
    • You only feel fear with one person.
    • The problem has arisen after a traumatic experience.
    • You are only afraid of some aspects of sex, e.g. penetration.

Causes of fear and embarrassment about sex

As you will see below, the causes of shame and fear of sex can be many and varied, so we will explain the main ones:

  • Puritanical upbringing: in cases where the person has suffered a history of sexual repression, either through the influence of the family or their upbringing, it is possible that they have in their mind an idea of sex as something negative and repulsive. 
  • Traumatic experiences: in cases where a person has suffered a traumatic experience related to sex, they are likely to develop shame, fear or aversion to sex. 
  • Sexual dysfunction: it is possible that the shame or fear of having sex is rooted in a sexual disorder that the person sees as insurmountable. This could be erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, but also anorgasmia or painful intercourse.  

In addition, we can also include other factors of a more social or psychological nature, such as relationship problems, anxiety or insecurities about one's own body and image.

How to overcome shyness in your relationship

Loving yourself

The first thing you need to do to stop being shy in a relationship is to learn to be OK with yourself. Many women are uncomfortable with certain positions. Are you one of those women who say: "I'm embarrassed to be on top"? Insecurities about one's own body carry over to bed and prevent us from enjoying sex as we should. The solution is very easy to say, but more difficult to put into practice. You have to love yourself and your body and forget all the bad thoughts that come into your head. You have to know that whatever body you have, your partner has chosen you for these intimate moments, so now you just have to accept yourself.

Be open to new things

Another of the main reasons why you may be shy in a relationship with your partner is inexperience. And although there is little you can do about it, it is important to stress that everyone has been there before. No one is born taught and there is a first time for everything, but you should not let these thoughts block you physically or emotionally. It should be made clear that all of this only applies if you really want to and it is a question you should ask yourself. If you don't feel ready or think that it is not what you want at that moment, it is not a matter of fear or shame, it is simply that you don't want to and you should not force yourself to do it.

That said, the fear of falling short of your partner's expectations can cause fear and shyness, and it is a very serious mistake. The other person probably has fears and insecurities too, and as a general rule, no one gets into bed with the intention of comparing.

Let yourself be carried away by fantasies

If you want to know how to stop being shy in a relationship, how about starting with shock therapy, talk to each other! Tell each other your fantasies, communicate with each other to find out what you like best and seek pleasure together. Role-playing, BDSM, sex toys... These are great alternatives to overcome shyness because, once you have passed that barrier, you will see how your confidence increases exponentially and you will feel much more secure with each other.

In addition, using sexy costumes or some kind of erotic lingerie is one of the things that most increases libido and the desire to have sex, so it will help you to escape your fears and discover a world of real pleasure.

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